the new painful words.

It rained this afternoon, in this dirty city; quick and harsh. It had no grace or subtlety, or grand opening scenes or fade to black happily ever after. I watched and thought about some other place where this rain would fall divinely, but seeing only concrete the wish made me sadder than usual. I slept after the last drop fell, exhausted and depressed and not wanting to go melodramatic at the moment, and just gave in to black, dreamless slumber.

I woke up to fluorescent lights, harsh and sudden yet again, searing my eyes to an early evening. I found out I was cold a few seconds later, and thinking about the water temperature of my bath. I guess it still rained again after I slept, much longer this time and I was still thinking about some other place, where I had blanket and a pillow for wonderfully cold rainy afternoons.

I probably think that the most part of my income would have been spent trying not to go crazy here. the cinema, clothes, shoes, phone bill, etc and food, yes glorious food; these are just avenues for staying sane. But I don't need any extravagance of those things now, I have Rain, and she makes all the difference.

And clutching this tabo, past seven in the evening, wondering how cold it would really be, I came back to her words, the two new painful words here in Manila.

"Hello"

"Papa"

I still have work, and this is as cold as it gets.